Mind Jaunt 3/10/17

I took a walk around the block today,
When I got lost in thought.
This happens a bit too often.
I had no direction or goal in mind.
Maybe I was bored...
Do I need a reason to take a walk?
I just followed the road around the corner;
Passed people I may never pass again;
Watched the light become thinner and rounder.
I looked back towards my home.
There were fewer markers than before.
What do you do when you have gone this far?

Do Good

It is easy to succumb to moral fatigue and avoid society's most challenging problems. It is easy to blame and label others without ever getting to know them. It is easy to say things will be ok, go back to our day-to-day lives, keep calm and carry on. It is easy to overgeneralize our personal experiences and judge others. But does doing what is easy make you happy?

Alternatively, I encourage everyone to take the more difficult path of being empathetic, patient, altruistic, and kind. In fact, research shows that it can have positive effects on your mental and physical health (Post, 2005).

Post, S.G. "Altruism, Happiness, and Health: It’s Good to Be Good." International Journal of Behavioral Medicine. 12.2 (2005): 66–77. www.unlimitedloveinstitute.org. Web. Nov. 2016.

15 minute limit

I have decided to conduct an experiment.

What is the first thing that comes to mind when my fingers touch the keyboard?

I suppose I ask myself who might read what I have to say? It is rarely profound, and is often pretty unpolished. I am quite generous with my word use. I ...eschew...discard...avoid...brevity. Sometimes I think too much, other times not enough. My voice betrays my mind.

Let me share a little anecdote with you all --all being the three of you who read this, two probably being my parents-- that encapsulates the way that I think about social situations that may be conventionally awkward to begin with, but with a little persistence become very pleasant experiences.

I was catching up on Grimm, a show that I only watch on weekends when I have consciously decided to do absolutely nothing. If you catch me watching this show, don't tell me I should go to the gym, don't say that I should read a book, just let me sit there, and tune out until I decide to rejoin the real world. Anyway, I decided to go bowling...by myself. Why? I don't know. Well, technically, I do know. I was in a league and my team bailed that day! Also, I paid for the league and was bored.

What was the worst that could happen, right? I mean, besides bowling alone surrounded by people who are with groups of friends. I suppose this is just another example of why I am more of an extrovert than an introvert. Going bowling, working on my spin, and possibly making friends was worth the risk, even if they were just friends for the day (still remains to be seen if this was in fact the case).

I arrive at the bowling alley, sit down, look at my phone, stand up, try and talk to a few women I have talked to before, sit back down again, go up to the lane I am supposed to bowl on, sit down, look at the other team awkwardly for a second, and say "hello."

"My team bailed on me today, mind if I join you all and bowl with you a bit?" 

Next thing I know it is 10:30pm, and I have spent the entire afternoon and evening with a new group of pretty great people, who I never would have met, if I just continued to watch Grimm.

What are the takeaways from this?... Time is up.

Searching for more. Finding little. Still satisfying.

I have always had a strong drive to be right, but I have a stronger desire to be empathic.

I admit it. When I first generate a thought, I often start from the assumption that my analysis of a scenario is correct. When someone disagrees with me, my instinct is to get defensive and offensive all at once. My heart beats faster; my mind begins racing; my thoughts get tangled. If I were to let these impulses drive my speech patterns, then I would often express crude and hyper-emotional ideas.

I know how this would end, not well. Functionally, I would be unsuccessful expressing my thoughts, and a poor listener. The outcomes would range from friends who would get slightly agitated and avoid conversations with me to friends who may not want to speak with me ever again (sorry again JH, I wish you nothing but the best.)

Where does this desire come from? Why is this my first reaction? How can I change? Can I change? Am I right?

Quick note: The questions I just wrote were unedited and were written in that order. Observation: I started with a complex question and worked my way to a simpler one. Reflection provided a bit of clarity. 

The answer to the last question will help me address the rest. No, I am never right on my own. Being right is a shared experience. This is the most important thing for me to remember. All my thoughts and ideas are based on a series of memories that have been replaced, updated, edited, spliced and redacted. The electrical current running through my brain is neither random nor predictable. My brain activity is steady, but it traverses paths and synapses that were created unconsciously. I can't just ask Google maps to give me directions to an idea, can I? Yet, when others recognize my ideas and thoughts as something that resonates within themselves, then we together may be approaching something that is both true and right.

Right is relative. Right is contextual. Right is based on the metrics that you deem most valuable. Right is temporal. Right is personal. Right is complex and uncontrollable. I am done looking for what is right. I have begun looking for more things to share.

Something new

In my life, the best experiences had no planned beginning; they simply presented themselves, and I acquainted myself with them. I am not a die hard advocate for new experiences, but personally, I have found them to be the best opportunities for personal growth.

New foods interact with your taste buds differently; your brain follows suit.

New sights spark your visual cortex and kickstart a process that is reminiscent of the past, excited about the present, and prescient of the future.

New sounds reverberate from your ears to your feet. You may dance.

New physical experiences, like the feeling of limestone beneath your feet in undiscovered caves, test your control over your reflexes and assumptions.

New smells may lift you towards the clouds or bring you crashing to the ground.

New experiences change the shape, size and order of our brains. The ability to change and adapt is a great gift.

Cold Sweats and Midnight Misunderstandings

It was the night before going to the Philippines and what should a appear,

A fear of immigration sending me back to Korea-r (sue me! I wanted it to rhyme).

Seriously though, I had a miniature panic attack because I thought that a technicality would keep me from entering the Philippines.

A little clarification, for the past two months, I have believed that I could enter the country for 21 days and then apply for a visa extension for 38 days once I am in the country. 

Go figure, the night before I fly to the Philippines, I get nervous that I should have applied for the VISA before leaving. I begin to think that the airline won't let me board the plane because my return ticket is for 56 days later, or worse, they will, but I won't be allowed in the country.

Additionally, I realize that I don't have Soraya's (the women with whom I am working with this summer) phone number, and if something does go wrong, I would not be able to contact her. So, I send her a flurry of emails and Skype messages at 1 in the morning. Surprisingly, she doesn't respond.

2:35am KST: Well, sleep is hopeless.

4:00am KST: I head out to the airport bus 45 minutes early.

4:15am KST: I start worrying that the bus won't stop at this station because my friend told me that once she waited here for an hour and the bus never came.

4:40am KST: The bus arrives 5 minutes before it is supposed to leave the first station (~10 minutes early). Being high strung pays off this time.

Let's skip ahead. I have no problems boarding the plane, or with immigration at the airport. And the biggest barrier to getting the visa extension is that I am wearing shorts and sandals, and there is a dress code at the bureau of immigration. Luckily, the dress code at government buildings in the Philippines is more flexible than those at bars in Boston.

Time to rest easy.

Two Days in Korea

It is an odd feeling visiting a place for just a couple days after you have lived there for a few years. It feels like I am floating. I know the patterns of daily life, but am not engaging in them. I sense the societal norms, yet have no pressure to conform to them.

I am not a tourist because I know my way around, but I have forgotten important details. Which bus do I take to get to Gangnam? Whatever, I'll just take the subway. I am in no rush. Often times the comfort of doing what is known is worth sacrificing efficiency. Oh...Huh, there is a subway line that runs directly from Jeongja to Gangnam? That's new.

As you can tell from the haphazard collection of ideas, I am having difficulty expressing myself. Maybe it is the jetlag. Maybe it is the transience of my stay. But I think it is that Korea has never felt like home.