Searching for more. Finding little. Still satisfying.

I have always had a strong drive to be right, but I have a stronger desire to be empathic.

I admit it. When I first generate a thought, I often start from the assumption that my analysis of a scenario is correct. When someone disagrees with me, my instinct is to get defensive and offensive all at once. My heart beats faster; my mind begins racing; my thoughts get tangled. If I were to let these impulses drive my speech patterns, then I would often express crude and hyper-emotional ideas.

I know how this would end, not well. Functionally, I would be unsuccessful expressing my thoughts, and a poor listener. The outcomes would range from friends who would get slightly agitated and avoid conversations with me to friends who may not want to speak with me ever again (sorry again JH, I wish you nothing but the best.)

Where does this desire come from? Why is this my first reaction? How can I change? Can I change? Am I right?

Quick note: The questions I just wrote were unedited and were written in that order. Observation: I started with a complex question and worked my way to a simpler one. Reflection provided a bit of clarity. 

The answer to the last question will help me address the rest. No, I am never right on my own. Being right is a shared experience. This is the most important thing for me to remember. All my thoughts and ideas are based on a series of memories that have been replaced, updated, edited, spliced and redacted. The electrical current running through my brain is neither random nor predictable. My brain activity is steady, but it traverses paths and synapses that were created unconsciously. I can't just ask Google maps to give me directions to an idea, can I? Yet, when others recognize my ideas and thoughts as something that resonates within themselves, then we together may be approaching something that is both true and right.

Right is relative. Right is contextual. Right is based on the metrics that you deem most valuable. Right is temporal. Right is personal. Right is complex and uncontrollable. I am done looking for what is right. I have begun looking for more things to share.