Exit Interview - Part 1

Korean Educational Words of Wisdom:

"No student in the world wants to study, so parents send

their kids here so we can force them to learn." - Bossman

Here I sit, typing again with no specific goal in mind and no real message to relay. Finishing my first year here in Korea. Here is a quick snapshot of my day.

First Class: it is full. Every student is complaining about the vocabulary quiz I am being forced to give them. One of the students tells me about the strenuous physical education workout he endured earlier that day and thus can not take the test. Lets check...umm... I'm sorry exhausted student your request has been denied, you need to know the word "frivolous" at the age of 12. If you would like to register a complaint please tell your parent, to tell my boss, to tell his intermediary, to tell another Korean teacher who speaks slightly better english, to tell me that he needs to be given more homework. In case you didn't get the original message from this game of managerial telephone, "Mom, I am TIRED!"

Second Class: relief. This is my favorite class and I have had them for a year. This is the one class of which I am truly proud. Not simply because their english has improved, but because when I told them I was leaving at the end of the month they quickly and openly showed their disappointment. By the end of the class three students were literally pulling my arm while telling me to stay...I hope I get to choose their replacement teacher...

To be continued...

CEO/Ph.D.

I was at a bar the other night playing pub trivia when suddenly I realized that my glass was empty.  So, of course I do the natural thing and order another pitcher.  While I was standing at the bar a man taps me on the shoulder and starts speaking gibberish (no I am not calling Korean gibberish).  It was his Drunki-do dialect.  I tapped the Korean woman on the other side of me just to confirm.  Now, she spoke great English, but even if she had not said anything I would have been able to guess from her scowl that he was not the reincarnation of Sir Galahad.  He is the pure knight right... 잠깐 만요 (please wait a moment)... Wiki wiki wiki... correct.

Normally, I would be polite, I would play a little game of charades, smile a lot, and then shake his hand and say "it was nice to meet you."  However, this guy was out of control.  I could not tell if he wanted to talk to me, hit me, or stick his tongue through my head like in Alien.  So I paid for my pitcher and retreated back to the table where my friends were sitting in peaceful ignorance.

Round 2: Great!  Fact or Crap questions.  Not only do 50/50 questions defeat the point of pub trivia, but the way half of the questions were worded both answers were technically correct.  This was one of the questions, "Americans spent 7.3 billion dollars on plastic surgery last year. Fact or Crap?"  Well that number is not that surprising.  I have been to LA and read a playboy before, FACT.  The announcer comes back to the mic, "That is actually CRAP, Americans spent 13.5 billion dollars on plastic surgery."  Wait, am I mistaken or did people have to spend 7.3 billion before they spent 13.5 billion?  See what I mean?  Dumb category, dumber questions!

....ANYWAY, back to the main topic.  In the middle of one of her coin flip questions, the guy.... Let's call him Bob... goes up to the woman announcer and hugs her.  (Side note: she has just announced, not 5 minutes earlier, that it is the anniversary of her marriage to her husband who is standing 4 feet away.)  The bartenders run up and grab him.  Yes, this guy has clearly had too much to drink, be a responsible server, ask him to leave.  OR you can sit him back down at the bar and serve him another vodka tonic.  Party on Bob!!!

As the night continues, Bob comes over to our table; yells at us; leaves; gets another drink; spills it all over himself; looks like he peed his pants; walks around the bar harrasing other people; tries to touch the trivia announcer's butt; finally gets asked to leave.  

RELIEF!!!  He can cause no more damage this evening.  He is not with anybody; nobody knows who he is; tomorrow he will have a hangover and not remember any of this.  OR he can reach over our table reach out his hand to my friend's girlfriend, and slide her his card with the grace of Charles Barkley on ice skates.  Yea... THAT'S TURRABBBLEEE!  We look at the card.  It reads "Park 'Bob' - CEO/Ph.D."  I wonder if he wants an English tutor?

American with a Twist

Gyopo - a Korean, that grew up in another country, and comes back to Korea.  It does not matter what the circumstances are, or how long you have been abroad.  Once a Korean, always a Korean I suppose.

Not Korean:  I have been told I look Chinese, Vietnamese, Filipino and Korean.  Maybe it was my diet, maybe I am not fully Korean?  Personally, I think it was the RW&B injections I have received for the past 25 years.

A guy asked me which country I had more patriotism towards, America or Korea.  Tough question.  On the one hand I look Korean, but on the other hand everything about me is American.  Lets just say when I go to a restaurant my first choice is Prime Rib with a side of potatoes in any form.

I am to Koreans as San Francisco Hipsters are to me!  Ridiculous!

Still loving, learning, and observing.

Couch Potato

It's amazing the difference a couch makes in a living space.  Ever since I bought my friend's black leather couch with depleted cushions and a homely green cover, I have felt more relaxed.  It forced me to rearrange some of my furniture, making my room more open and balanced.  Moving past the interior design jargon, its very comfortable.

This additional piece of furniture is not simply for my own personal benefit.  I've always prided myself on being, at least, a decent host, and not having a couch does not help that cause.  Even though the desk chair and the end of my bed are completely viable seating options, in coordination with one another its hard to just sit and watch a movie.  Regardless if it is an established friend or a "new" friend, an uncomfortable desk chair is not acceptable, nor is suggesting that we share the bed, but a couch is just right.

That's about all I have to say about my couch, so until next time, wish me happy hunting for a coffee table.

Today Is Gonna Be The Day

I couldn't wait any longer, I had to have my first norebang (singing room) experience, and it was awesome!!!! In my opinion there is really only one ground rule; always go when you are on the drunk train to stardom. What I mean is that if you aren't willing to be the life of the American half of your party you might as well not go.

Lets get into it shall we? It all started with my buddy Dave, at 3am, yelling to everyone at the bar that we should go to one of these private karaoke rooms. I was shocked when almost everybody who was left at the bar was completely into it. I mean Rock Band is one thing when you are in the comfort of your own home and always have the option to just play the drums, but when everyone is excited to go sing you clearly are not in Marblehead anymore. I was also surprised that our group was more of a melting pot than Hawaii. We had a girl from Yugoslavia, a couple Canadians, many random Koreans, and the always victorious representation of America. It wasn't a competition by any means, but we noreBANGED OUR FACES OFF!!!

We got off to a rough start, one place was full and there was a 30 minute wait for a room.... Wait, a 30 minute wait for a room at 3:15am? Are you serious? Sorry, I mean, I'm still floored by that. Whatever, lets go to the other place, at the other end of the block. We went inside, I gave a cute Korean girl 10,000won, was lead to a room....

And then we sang; the group was still with me.

Anyway, back to the story... The Koreans took a commanding lead, programming in 5 Korean pop songs and love ballads before we could even find an English one. Eventually we find the English section. These 10 pages were so obviously placed in the middle of a 50 page Korean book.

Ok, let's start this off right, where is my bread and butter, the song I know better than any other, where is Baby Got Back?...... Wait, where is it? No way? A karaoke book without Sir-Mix-A-Lot? Really?

The Koreans program 5 more k-pop songs.

Finally, my buddy puts on Bon Jovi - Living on a prayer. Ok, there's a start. Next is Angie, by Rolling Stones...umm...yea...NOBODY SOUNDS LIKE MICK JAGGER, especially not the Korean who speaks okay Engrish.

...The next 10 songs I can't really remember that well, but I know I sang Say It Ain't So and started to lose my voice.

Then we struck gold. Oasis - Wonderwall. We stole the show like a streaker with this one. It was awesome!!! Even the passed out girl woke up to help out. Liam Gallagher was the one that saved me. ANDD AFFTERRAAAALLLLLLLLLL......I capped the night off with a sausage egg mcmuffin set.

I can't wait to go back and follow up with Bohemian Rhapsody, Since You Been Gone, and I'm Too Sexy.

GOODNIGHT SUJI WE LOVE YOU!!!!

Journey to Seorksan

This past weekend I went to Seoraksan National Park with a friend and stayed in Sokcho.

Adventure 1:  Getting to the bus station

Bus to Gangnam -->Taxi to the wrong bus terminal --> Ate at Burger King --> Took a cab to the other bus station.  The cab driver was the self proclaimed "#1 King of Swear Words."  His resume was pretty strong.  He could swear in Arabic, Japanese, English, and Korean.  This was funny for a while until out of the blue he said "I'm going to kill you."  -->  Cross weird 1 lane bridge --> Nerves rise --> Arrive at bus stop.

Adventure 2:  Bus ride

Difficulty buying tickets --> Got on one bus, told to get off in Korean, nice old man helps us get tickets for the Express Bus to Sokcho.  Thanks buddy.  Stop in a place called Hwayang Gangland half way to Sokcho.  Arrive in Sokcho.

Adventure 3:  First night in Sokcho

First order of business: find lodging.  After walking around for 45 minutes simply following flashing lights we came across Mo-A Motel.  This motel, for what came out to around $23 dollars a night, was actually a very nice place.

After dropping our stuff off we went to get food.  We passed what looked like a crab shack and this older lady came out and beckoned us in.  After a valiant attempt to resist the Sirens' calls we went in and bought a large plate of crab which turned out to be more expensive than our motel and the most expensive meal I've had in Korea.  OK...fast forward, we go to a bar called RPM: America Bar the next two nights mainly because we like the name of the place.

Day 2: Spark note version

We woke-up, left hotel around 12:30pm; ate at 1; wandered Sokcho trying to find stores any open stores; stores in Sokcho open anywhere between 1 and 5pm; bought nice hiking boots for 104,000 won; kept wandering; covered all of Sokcho in 2 days; went to a restaurant called Santa Fe; drank some wine and ate some french fries; went to Soju & Hof; felt sick; felt better; ended up back at America Bar.  Day over.

Day 3: Seoraksan National Park

3.5km: Ha, that's nothing.  I was playing soccer 4-5 nights a week last year.  A short walk and a sweet view; sounds like a vacation.  2km:  A bit icy, a couple temples, a rest stop, still easy; I like this hike.  1km:  Did it get hot?  Suddenly, I realize that I am sweating like a kid who doesn't know any answers on a pop quiz.  I have sweat through my undershirt, over shirt, and liner of my jacket, but I'm not tired.  A man in his 60's passes us comfortably.  Suddenly I think about rabbits and turtles.  I just need some water.  .4km: STUPID MOUNTAIN!!!!  MY LEGS ARE BURNING!!!!  I'M DEHYDRATED!!!!  DON'T FALL!!!!  The last .4km is just one very steep staircase pretty much straight up the face of this gigantic rock wall.  A 50 year old woman and man come down with dry brows and large smiles.  REALLY?!  Ok its definitely time to stop complaining.  Just live your life like a Nike commercial and enjoy the view.  .2km:  I literally was climbing these stairs on all fours, not because I was so tired, they were just that steep.  It was practically rock climbing.  Am I going to have to go down these stairs backwards on my way down?  0km:  Great trip.

Who is that Korean in the mirror?

Much to everyone's dismay I chose to get a haircut today.  I did this for two reasons. 

First, my hair was becoming a distraction in my class.  I would have to re-adjust my hair every few minutes in class and obviously middle school kids are going to pick up on me playing with my hair.

Secondly, I wanted to try something new.  I have had long hair for a while now and I was never sold on it.  I had to take longer showers; it was messing with my peripheral vision.  Most importantly, I like having shorter hair.

Let's dive right into this story now.  I went to the hair "studio" and there are 8 Korean women in this place just pointing and giggling at me for not speaking Korean.  It was actually pretty funny so I just sort of smiled and laughed with them.  The girl who shampooed my hair led me around like I was a blind man.  She even held my hand.

The woman who was going to be my hair stylist for the day brought a book over, picked out two photos, and I gave her the thumbs up.  What came next was a 30 minute game of charades as I tried to describe how I wanted them to cut my hair.

In the end I gave them my $15, was given a business card, and I left the hair studio looking 100%, no added preservatives Korean.

All I need is one bar

All I need is one bar, one pitcher (well 3 pitchers) and some people to talk to.  I have gone to the same bar 8 times in two weeks.  Tonight I tried to go to a different bar, but they were trying to force feed me an appetizer I did not want at all.  Side note: I'm sure you will notice that my writing will gradually become simpler because over here I need to break everything down to good and bad.

Anyway, back to the bar.  This bar is pretty much a Korean version of Cheers.  Its a place where everybody knows your name.  I like to think I am the equivalent of Woody Harrelson at this place.  It has everything I look for in a bar; darts, a pool table, a personal dj booth, a lot of space, and $8.50 pitchers.  Also, I don't mean to brag and don't mean to boast but I'm like hot butter on breakfast toast.

Goodnight!

Quick notes

1) AGE

Girls in their 20's still walk around with stuffed animals, adding to the already impossible task of figuring out how old girls are.  I honestly have difficulty differentiating 18 year olds from 32 year olds.  The only reason I know a girl is at least 18 is because she isn't wearing a school uniform.  

2) STUDENTS' PLIGHT

Up until college, kids go to school in the morning, more school at night, do homework after that, and they eat food somewhere in between.  They do this at least Mon-Fri and some of these kids go to school on Saturdays too.  What happens when these kids get to college?  The easy response is that they will be good students.  However, at what cost?  I feel like these kids are living in this world but not experiencing it and that this is pervasive throughout a large portion of Asian society.  In one family guy episode Stewie describes an Asian by singing "I work really hard, but I'm no fun," and after one week over here I realize its because fun has no value over here.  The opportunity cost of fun is too great.  They are like bankers without the perks.

and Here We Go...

So after the extensive training (observing 12 classes) I have started teaching.  Basically, the key to teaching is the same as negotiations; prepare, prepare, prepare.  These kids don't know the difference, but I do.  When you walk out of a class it is like walking out of a test; you know if you crushed it or got owned.

One important thing to remember as well is that this is technically school vacation, and their parents have chosen to enroll them in MORE SCHOOL!!!!  Almost all of them do not want to be in your class.  I'm competing with time that could be spent playing Starcraft (or watching professionals play on 3 television stations 24/7).  My final note on teaching is that in order to be successful you have to love the sound of your own voice because the majority of these kids don't talk.  Most students just sit silent, and maybe nod if you're lucky.  And silence is not golden; silence sucks.

Rollercoaster

Leading up to this next chapter of my life I wasn't nervous.   I was firm in my decision and nothing could deter me from moving forward with my plan to move to Korea.  Its like the feeling you get when you first step into a line for a rollercoaster.  Then comes the week before I leave.

I pass the 30 minute marker, and the line divides into 3 sections, front, middle and back.  The ride is getting closer.  I am getting a little anxious.  Is this feeling excitement or fear?  Actually, I don't think I'm feeling anything.  How could this be?  I make a comment about how it would be sweet if the group had a fast pass to skip the line.  But in reality the line is a buffer, and I stay in the states an extra day to be home for my birthday.  

You choose your seat.  Do I want an aisle or a window seat?  Its hard to get up when you take the window, but the aisle is like a gauntlet of passengers and carts.  Screw it, I'll go with the middle seat, hedge my bets, and go with that extra sense of comfort knowing I will not get the whiplash in the back or the initial scare from the front.  Everything becomes a bit more real.  I really am going to do this.  Goodbye Logan.

Then, I was in San Francisco again.  I see a few people decide they don't want to ride the rollercoaster.  They step right through the ride to the exit on the other side.  There will be no picture of them screaming on turn 8.  Maybe that is the safer more conservative route.  But for me I still desire the thrill.  Boarding, taxi-ing, turning onto the runway.  My buckle is secure and my seat is in the upright and locked position.  We launch, this is it, the build up, I have no choice, did I just all of a sudden regret my decision?

No, the plane takes off.  I drop.  The wind blowing through my hair.  I feel free.  I don't know where the next turn will take me.  All I do is smile and enjoy the ride.  

Well, maybe not the 23 hour flight...